just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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