Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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