I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
