That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
