I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
