If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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