I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
