fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
