fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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