is your mom at the bar?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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