I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
