I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
