i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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