She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
