i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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