we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
