loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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