Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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