I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
