Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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