I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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