I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
