He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
