i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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