i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
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Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
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Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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