Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
