By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
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Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
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Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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