Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
