i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
