I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I want to be your penis for a week.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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