What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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