She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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