whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
