swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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