If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
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he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
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that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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