i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
