Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
