So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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