u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
