you didnt know i had herpes?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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