Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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