I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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