girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Are we still banned from the library?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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