I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
