Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
