If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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