Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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