I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Pants are for mortals
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
