Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
