you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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