morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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