need another drink. this is the easiest way
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
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please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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