Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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