they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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