the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
