I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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