i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
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My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
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Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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