well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
