Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
