it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
