i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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