You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
