the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my vag is so smooth its legendary
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
