I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
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So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
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Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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