Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
