Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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