there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
