I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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